Thursday, October 30, 2003

Been a while hasn't it?

Don't ask me why. It just has.

Somedays... I miss having my blog up in public. I mean it is, but nobody knows about it, so nobody reads it... besides me of course. But keeping in mind the reason why this isn't known... I don't want it known. Too many knowns in that sentence. Known. Anyway.

So I've had a bad time, as always. Urgh. Hate sounding all fucked up. Apologies.

I od-ed the other day. Boy. That typed out sounds like the most normal thing. Like, "I washed the dishes after dinner" or "I like chocolate". Instead, "I od-ed the other day". Well I did. Took one too many pills. I don't know what happened. I just sort of... freaked out. Like completely lost it. I just took one after another after another.... after every single rejection he gave me. Like with every no, was another shovel-full of dirt. Man. I don't think I can even take another pill again. Ever. Ever. Everytime I think of it, I have a serious gag reflex.

So we had this major amazing blow-up later that od night. Amazing. But... everything's great now. Between me and him. Serene, normal, uninstitutional, 19. I like it. Feels like how it was 2 years ago. So one side of my life has been neutralised. But man... still got many other sides to go. One by one, I feel myself picking up the pieces. As small and unfitting as they seem... I think I just might be able to pull this off. Pull this life off. Actually be comfortable in my own skin. I don't think I'll OD every again. If I do want to kill myself, I'll jump. :) Heh.

I love the fact that after freaking out, popping pills and calling on my friends. My two bitches can still joke about it. "Man... I'm having a major headache."

"You know what will help? 2 panadols." ........ yea guys, haha. :P


::me:: at 10:38