Monday, January 26, 2004

And still it's not enough

I'm crying harder now and I still fucking can't over it. I'm reading it over and over and over and over and over again. I just can't believe how much you don't understand me when I thought you were the only one who did. Not only just me, come to think of it, but life and situations in general. People, growing up, moving on, breaking up, forced responsibilities, realisations, me.

I... I have so many things to say, but nothing to say at all. I... I don't want to ever call you but I fucking want to hear your voice. I... I want to apologise but that will only get me angry. I... I don't want to be here anymore but I have to.

Why do you keep making me cry? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP MAKING ME WANT TO END IT ALL. WHY IS IT THAT THE ONE PERSON I LOVE WHOLLY AND TRULLY CAN BECOME THE ONE PERSON YOU DESPISE AND LOATHE AND WISH DISAPPEAR. Why do I want you to stay?

I hate you. I hate you so fucking much.

::me:: at 07:39