Thursday, January 15, 2004

I miss you.

And that was all I messaged him with. And I had nothing else to say. And I know I was ignorant in the previous message but yes, I miss him. And I said it. And it doesn't feel right. I say it in my heart but I haven't said it in my head since Sunday but fuck, I miss him. I miss him. I miss him.

Maybe that's why I cried today. Because I knew I'd miss him. I don't remember the happy days, but I remember him. And I miss him. Have I said that already?

He's soft. He's sweet. His eyes make me felt. He holds me tight. He says things I want to hear. He notices my mood changes. He knows when I'm sad and why. He holds a conversation and more. He makes amazing love to me. He sings me songs I love. He listens to me.

He can't have me and I him.

I don't want to feel this way because it's not right. I don't want to feel this way because I've never been more sure about my decision. I don't want to feel this way because it's right. I don't want to feel this way because it makes me unsure about the surest thing.

I hope he knows all this because it would be a waste of my emotions. And I pray that he will be happy and not all at the same time. I wish he could be happy with me. I wish I could be the one reason he wakes up in the morning. But what I wish most is that I wasn't so selfish and will learn to let go. I think I've been learning and making some progress. But nights like these almost makes me want to break this cycle and be back in his life again and pretend I'm a star for the night.

I miss him. Did I say that already?

::me:: at 09:00