Sunday, February 01, 2004

And I'm still angry

On a Sunday, after 4 days, yes... I'm still angry. Generally angry. And he constantly gives me a reason to. Everyone just gives me a damn reason to. But I don't want to type out all that is bugging because, honestly, I've been over it so many times to so many different people... it's starting to get stale and old and just works me up again.

He's an idiot. Pure and simple. He says the wrong things at the wrong times. He doesn't realise it. He feels for someone that was my best friend. He could fuck her for all I care, but I would care. He's so ignorant... I wonder if it's all an act? He thinks he's someone when he's not. He doesn't realise what he does when he does it. He takes me for an idiot. He isn't honest with himself, but is with me... when he fucking doesn't need to be. He gets me so angry and even angrier because I'm angry. He always makes me forget why I was angry to begin with.You bastard.

I care. I honestly fucking care. I can't just leave it... It's like a fucking ulcer in your mouth you can't help but tongue. He's a fucking ulcer. I keep over-indulging in sweetness and what do I get? Fucking puss in my mouth. Excellent.

"I can't make anyone happy..."

Because you raise their expectations dear. Because you fucking raise their expectations to the sky but you don't even meet them half way. You're on the first two wrungs and then you decide to get off because you're suddenly afraid of heights. Stop doing it and then perhaps people will be happy. You fucking idiot. Didn't you already know that? Isn't it a bloody given?

And if you ever... and I mean ever... end up with her, I will fucking personally kill you. I fucking will. It's just not fucking right. And it will sicken me to no extent. The both of you will be scum. SCUM. You fucking hear me? SCUM. Betrayel on both parts. If you think what I did was betrayel... then what you may do will be plain fucking murder. You hear me? I told you very clearly already. If it fucking happens, mark my words, you... her... and her fucking kid will die.

Amazing how you manage to bring out the fucking worst in me. Amazing how you make me feel like shit. Amazing amazing amazing. And when I see you... what the fuck do I do? I FUCKING MELT. Argh. Whatever. I need to move on. Fuck it. You better wake up soon. You better see what you do. You better not fucking catch yourself doing something you'll regret. You better fucking realise your actions. You better fucking change your minds image of yourself. You just fucking better.


::me:: at 11:04