Sunday, March 14, 2004

No more.

I don't want to feel this way anymore. I need to make sense of things. I don't want to talk to myself anymore. I don't want to look crazy. I don't want to feel crazy. I'm not crazy. Right? I'm so fucking tired. Why am I bleeding? I don't remember going that hard. I don't want to freak out. Why am I freaking myself out? I'm so fucking tired. I don't know what to do. I just want it to stop. I want her to go away. I want her to get away from me. I want her as far away from me as possible. I'm so tired of this. I don't want her voice in my head. I don't want to cry so hard I feel like I'm going to die. I don't want to pick up those pair of scissors and cut myself with the shorp hook of it. I don't want to feel like I need to cut myself. I don't want to think about those muscle relaxants in the kitchen that I can take to just fall asleep forever. I don't want to be here anymore. I DON'T WANT TO BE ME ANY FUCKING MORE. I'M DON'T WANT TO THINK IN CAPS LOCK. I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING BLEED. I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO DIE ANYMORE. I DON'T WANT HER TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I WOULD BE BETTER OFF DEAD. I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY AND THE NEXT LIKE I SHOULD JUST DIE. I DON'T WANT. I DON'T FUCKING WANT.

::me:: at 08:52