Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Nice day to do nothing

In my non-spectacular attempts to get into something like a healthy existance, I started my first "work-out" routine. It involves skipping 50 times with a post 20 minutes panting and walking around the living room in hopes of not having cramped legs.

It was as brilliant as watching a fat guy bending over and scratching his armpits. Not very nice indeed. So as expected, after the first excruciating 30, I bit my lip and stuck my tongue out for the next 20. I never knew I was in such bad shape. I really need to do something about this. It's bad enough that I smoke and drink at a constant pace while sitting down and pigging out on random edible food an hour after dinner. Now with the lack of ANY form of motion besides the obligatory rounds of sex (if I'm so lucky), I'm turning into a lard ass topped off with some lard whip with a side of lard juice.

I need help people. I need some assistance. I need a cheerleader. I need a miracle. I have to get back to my usual semi-slim shape. Or at least be slim enough to pretend I'm skinny. I can't even do that anymore. I'm currently fat with little chance in pretending to have 1 roll around my waist instead of 3. Shit.

So if anyone of you decides to move here and provide me with a treadmill, trainer or a very large dog, I can put you up in the spare room and provide you with endless edible delicacies from the kitchen. I promise I won't cook it.


::me:: at 15:11