Monday, March 21, 2005

with my face pressed up against the glass

Sunday was that kind of day that leaves you feeling like you've been left at the edge of a cliff and you can't wait to fly. Like you're on a brink of something huge beyond you and you suddenly understand it because you're at the last second before you jump.

And all this was brought on with no actions, no big sign. He came back from his trip that felt too long. A big hug and a kiss and having his way with me, the day resumed. We went to Borders and I bought two novels and he bought some translation book (english to mandarin) and a financial self-help book. Talk about day and night.

We then snuggled in bed, him reading the financial, me reading Shopgirl, I wanted to take a picture of how quaint it was. And as I struggled to read slowly so I could savour every word, he was trying to read as fast as he could because he's self-conscious about his speed. Every now and then I'd laugh at some very eloquently put phrase and kiss him softly so I could read it to him. And he'd do the same when he read something I should do. Again, I felt like taking a picture of its quaintness.

By night time, we resumed our reading because I can never put down a book once it's been picked up. And I was trying desperately not to finish it but it was so short, I just had to. Towards the end, I read a passage that described perfectly what I was self-conscious of and I immediately felt an acceptance I never knew I needed.

"Their union is the kind of perfect mismatch that makes for long relationships. She is smarter than he is, but Jeremy is in love with his own bright ideas, and the enthusiasm he shows for them infects Mirabelle and pushes her forward into the world of drawing for money. She begins to enjoy tolerating his enthusiastic outburts; this is her gift to him. Sometimes they lie in bed and Mirabelle relates the entire plot of a Victorian novel, and Jeremy is so captivated and engrossed that he believes the events in the story are happening right now, to him."

I felt like someone had pushed me closer to the edge of this cliff I was standing on and now a camera zooms out and is above me, showing me what I'm afraid to jump into which is so beautiful and magnificant. All this while he was quietly lying next to me, unbeknownst to my revelation that not only affected me, but everything that I touched. So I kissed him softly and read him the passage and he smiled because he didn't really understand and I didn't need him to.

::me:: at 17:24